Meilleures petites annonces

[Mmarc]

Bonjour,

Je vous propose de poster ici les petites annonce relatives à la musique, insolites, qui méritent une lecture. A défaut d'une réponse pour certaines.

Lâchez vous.

 

Edited December 2, 2019 at 10:59 AM by Mmarc

[Mmarc]

Batteur de merde cherche groupe, même niveau

Salut bouffon, ça roule ?

Si toi aussi tu aimes te battre à la fin des répètes, ’on est fait l’un pour l’autre’. (Comme l’a chanté si souvent une femme Belge).
Baston probablement en conséquence d’une petite querelle au sujet du tempo, toi qui n’as jamais touché un métronome de toute ta vie et qui compte sur le batteur pour régler ça à ta place.

Enfin bref, je recherche un groupe dans les genres suivants :

- Groupe de reprises de tubes des années 80 et 90 pour débiles de province (pléonasme).
Si toi aussi tu aimes jouer dans des campings et des mariages de gros beaufs payés 60 euro en billets de 10.
Objectif : Jouer du ’U2’et du ’Téléphone’ à l’identique ! On va les impressionner !
Déjà que c’était pas très impressionnant à l’origine, c’était même déjà de la merde… De toutes façons, t’es pas foutu d’en mettre une dedans… Et enlève moi ce catogan avant que je te casse la tête devant ta femme et tes enfants, tu es chauve depuis trente ans.

- Groupe de jazz, parisien de préférence, ça va sans dire… Avec comme leader une petite crotte prétentieuse, convaincue d’être indispensable à la musique.
- Si c’était le cas, tu jouerais ailleurs qu’au ’baiser salé’ et au ’sunset’, les seuls lieux qui veulent bien te programmer depuis dix ans. Lorsqu’un anglo-saxon t’écoute, il a à peu près la même sensation qu’a eu, à l’époque, en 82, Alain Ducasse, lorsqu’il a vu un New yorkais essayer de faire un cassoulet avec des saussices pour Hot-Dog. Il s’agit d’un sentiment de gène peut-être.
Je viendrais boire un verre à côté de toi, un soir, à la fin d’une ’Jam’ au caveau des oubliettes, pour que tu puisses me regarder du haut de ta grande réussite. Tu ne daigneras même pas me parler. Fais quand même attention en rentrant chez toi à deux heures du mat, j’aurais déboulonné une roue de ta 206. (Les pseudos ’jazzmens’ Français roulent en voitures Françaises, aucun effort non plus dans ce domaine, écoeurant…)

- Groupe de reggae festif.
Vous êtes fringués comme des jamaïquains alors que vous êtes tous de La Celle St Cloud. J’aimerais faire partie de votre équipe. (Je suis de Saint germain en Laye).

- Chanteuse de variété. (Enfin maintenant on dit ’pop’).
Sympa au début, voir même super cool, tu vireras toute ton équipe de musiciens, alors qu’ils auront bossé pendant trois ans gratos, le jour ou tu signeras en maison de disques. Tu les regarderas partir, derrière tes lunettes Hermès, sans comprendre pourquoi ils sont un peu déprimés. (Attention à la tache de sperme de ton éditeur sur ton chemisier, ça se voit quand même un peu hein…).
Rendez-vous dans deux ans, lorsque ton petit buzz se sera complètement éteint malgré le fait que tu auras épongé le ’Tout-Paris’.

Si vous avez un projet ressemblant de près ou de loin à ceux cités ci-dessus, ça m’intéresse. Ou sinon un bon groupe de Hip-hop de merde, ce serait bien aussi… Avec des rappeurs aux QI inférieurs à 75.
’ Wesh ma gueule, moi aussi j’aime les teupus, t’inquiètes… ’
Objectif : Victoires de la musique d’ici deux ans.

Merci de m’avoir lu, bien cordialement. Fred.

 

 

Si vous voulez y répondre :

https://www.zikinf.com/annonces/annonce-1756934

[Mmarc]

USA Fender Fretless Precision Custom Tony Franklin Signature Bass (pristine)

Ok, so here's one for all you bc'ers that think you're better than the “regular" fretted bass player... 
(I've got news for you... You ain't!!! 
Well, maybe you are but your slap tone stinks and leaves much to be desired!!!...)

However, in this insane “PC-World" (no affiliation to the “Curry's" franchise)
I would not want to rule out any fretted players especially with myself (the incompetent musician I am) falling into said category.

So here's a beast of Signature Custom Bass that will blow the proverbial socks off of ANY bass player's hooves... and may even encourage the fretted player to ACTUALLY learn where the notes are on a bass neck without the support of those “oh so convenient" vertical metal strips that they hammer into fingerboards so that bass players can have “one too many" down at the local and still produce a “passable" performance to the eight members of the audience (but mainly to the three who are actually listening).

What we have here, I think, is a Gibson Les Paul model... NAH!! I'm just messing...

It's a Tony Franklin Signature Custom Model Fretless Precision Bass with passive circuitry, ebony fretboard, three way selection switch, Hipshot tuner, a Tony Franklin Single-Coil Jazz Pickup with Hex Screw Pole Pieces and a Tony Franklin American Split Single-Coil Precision Bass mid pickup.

As our good friend Sir David of Dickinson would say...

“This IS the REAL deal!"

B-E-autiful ebony fingerboard with none of that namby-pamby fret marking business!! 
“... Err... which note is this..." 
“Doesn't matter!!! You look BOSS!!"

You got Tony's signature pickups there, ya know, both of them!!...

The Jazz pickup is extra special and was coated with unicorn dust before being blessed by a Goddess and then lovingly placed into this gorgeous Nitrocellulose finished Fender P Bass body... “Mmmm, Nitrocelluliscious..." It's also got those fancy Hex Screw Pole Pieces and Ceramic Bar Magnets... You know the ones... 

The middle pickup is also rather special as it's a Tony Franklin American Split Single-Coil Precision Bass pickup which, rumour has it, Tony Franklin invented whilst showing Jimmy Page how to de-fret his guitar and shred an axe like a real man!!! Apparently Jimmy playing fretless guitar never caught on but at least it birthed the amazing Tony Franklin American Split Single-Coil Precision pickup that is housed in this marvelous instrument today! 
(Or so I've been told by a mate of Jimmy's... at the pub).

For hardware you got an American Vintage Bass Bridge with Steel Barrel Saddles and Fender '70s Vintage-Style Open-Gear with Hipshot Bass Xtender "Drop D" on the E... and no that last part ain't rap lyrics.

The neck width is 1.625" at the nut which is synthetic bone (not sure what creature they source that from). You got a 34" modern “C" shaped maple Fender neck, of course with the gorgeous ebony board. None of that fret marker nonsense though you do have side marking dots... Obviously it's a fretless but I reckon you got the equivalent to 22 frets... or is it 21?... I dunno but the length of the board will translate to that of a number of frets that you might find on another instrument that might have frets...

Passive circuitry so need to worry about the battery leaking when it's been stored in your temperature and humidity controlled cupboard for fifteen years cos you ain't got the skills to play it... 

Basically this instrument is the Bee's knees after the Bee has had knee surgery and can now kick a bowling ball over the River Thames and into the window of 10 Downing Street, smashing the plastic cereal bowl that Boris Johnson is slurping his Wheetos from and incidentally covering the ludicrous man in softening cereal and chocolate flavoured milk...*(continued below)

This IS a serious player's bass! Everything from it's high spec hardware down to it's Custom electronics and premium choice woods, Fender and Mr Franklin have teamed up to produce a real road warrior that has a build quality and sturdiness that you know was designed to outlast the A.I. war of 2027.

Oh and check this quote out from Fender -

“In an extra-personalized touch, the neck plate of the Tony Franklin Fretless Precision Bass is engraved with his signature."

If that doesn't improve the sound and overall quality of the instrument and more importantly improve your bass playing tenfold then I don't know what would.

I heard that Tony Franklin personally high-fived the guitar tech each time one of his Signature Fender P models was completed. Apparently Tony was between tour dates during this period and spent an unhealthy amount of time at the Fender Factory, much to the concern of many staff members... 

In case you're wondering who the fudge Tony Franklin is... He's a session bassist dubbed “The Fretless Monster" because he lives in a Bayou in Louisiana, has no skeleton, five tentacles and 58 eyes. He mainly lives on a diet of swamp snake but will occasionally snack on other reptiles including turtles and small alligators. Despite his appearance and peculiar diet he has worked with many great musicians such as David Gilmore, Jimmy Page, Kenny Shepherd and even Whitesnake, though he did try to eat them once... 
Basically he's good enough for a Fender Custom model and a bunch of great musicians allow him to perform on their tracks, so there ya have it... THIS BASS MUST BE AWESOME!!!

The Bass is in MINT condition from New and really has only been used to motivate the partner to say “another bass guitar that you don't play..." 

Comes with a rather well crafted deluxe Fender locking hardcase that really does look la-di-da.

Collection and trial always welcome down in bumpkin town!! Can arrange insured courier or meet part way etc...

 

*(Continued from 7 paragraphs up)  
Contrary to what you might think, Boris actually congratulates the Bee on it's incredibly powerful and amazingly accurate left foot (yep, wasn't even it's right foot) and offers the Bee a job as his ghost writer for speeches, however the Bee politely declines and they part ways.
The next morning Boris is back at number 10, again, eating his Wheetos only this time from a rather haphazardly taped together, broken plastic bowl. He's thinking to himself how amazing that Bee's kick was and how great it's speeches may have been if only it had accepted his offer to be his ghost writer, at that very moment Boris hears a smashing of glass and swooshing of air. A bowling ball comes crashing through the recently replaced window of number 10 and lands directly on top of Boris's already damaged plastic cereal bowl, this time damaging the bowl beyond any means of repair. 
Boris slowly gets up from his booster chair, wipes some of the milk from his suit jacket and picks off a piece of softening cereal from his left cheek. He walks over to the broken window and leans on it's frame, looking outward through the shattered glass toward the rising sun across the cityscape and over into the endless and unseen horizon. 
“What speeches that Bee might have written..." He says softly as a small, joyful yet melancholy smile begins to take shape across his face. 
“C'est la vie", he thinks to himself, “c'est la vie...".

 

 

Pour répondre :

https://www.basschat.co.uk/topic/380494-usa-fender-fretless-precision-custom-tony-franklin-signature-bass-pristine/